Girls on the Roof

Loss brings reflection. Now that Van is gone I’m looking back, not all the way but to my 40s. By then, I had learned a few things. I still wasn’t wise but was no longer stupid.

In this post-Vandelear world what I am missing most is our rooftop girls' gatherings. Van is the second one of The Girls on the Roof we’ve lost in less than a year. MS took Sandy, who hosted us on 112^th Street, last July. Up on the roof, overlooking Bank Street School, Van fleshed out the details of Vandelearia, the island she was going to buy when she hit the Lotto. She wouldn’t have to do anything mundane. I’m not doing a thing when I hit the Lotto. I’m going to hire someone to pick my nose. Vandelearia would be the ultimate women’s paradise; delicious, chocolate, long, tall drinks of water would be fanning us in loincloths.

On the roof, the food was great and the champagne flowed. But the highlight was always the peace-pike enhanced conversations. Most details are foggy now but the gathering I remember most was the one where we discussed old lovers. Linda, who had recently completed her film Flag Wars, was mulling over a new idea and wanted to do some informal research. Asked if we could recall all our lovers’ names. I remember thinking, This could be embarrassing, even with my girls. Remember wondering if I’d be completely honest. But, as the woman began to talk, I heard that we all had embraced the sexual freedom that came with the pill. We all had numbers, except Minnette who’d been married to the same man since she was 25.

We all had numbers but we couldn’t remember all the names. Recently Bianca—the only youngblood we let hang with us on the roof—told me she’d been shocked that we’d forgotten some names. She was mid-twenties then; now, at almost 40, she understands. Has had one or two herself who weren’t memorable, whose names are difficult to recall.

I was somewhat ambivalent about Bianca’s participation. Often asked myself, is hearing our no holes barred conversation a good or bad thing? I didn’t think any of us were jaded but naiveté, for the most part, was out the window. Replaced with real life experiences. Sometimes I wondered if there’d been valid reasons for the information my mother, aunts and grandmother withheld? Bee never had any ambivalence, knew she was receiving essential information, feels these dialogues helped prepare her for life.

It wasn’t just the conversations but the company—my girls were an accomplished group of women. Bianca received a top-notch education listening to the uncensored chatter of a world renowned jazz musician, a filmmaker and founder of an interdisciplinary art gallery, a published author/editor/stylist, a couple of actress/writers, an educator, and a dancer/choreographer. We were women who weren’t afraid to take risks, women whose lives illustrated a myriad of possibilities. Bee credits the Girls on the Roof sessions for making her the woman she is today.

Although I’m getting to know a new group of women here in San Miguel and am being enriched by our interaction, my recent trip East reminded me I miss my old friends. What’s that old cliché say; one is silver and the other gold? Got to mix my gold with my silver, find more ways to integrate my old and new lives.